ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Someone shit on the floor
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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