He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
