Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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