I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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