I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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