Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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