so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
