i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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