Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
