not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
