Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
