apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize