She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
