In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
