I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we're so committed to being not committed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
