I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
