Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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