i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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