he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
