She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
