"it" just moved
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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