i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
