as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize