I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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