I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize