i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
