clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
