Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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