There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
