I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
