my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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