the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
