You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize