So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
