fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
