Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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