is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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