i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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