you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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