Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
