So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
