When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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