you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
