Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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