it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
