Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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