he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
