Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize