Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize