giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
