I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
