bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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