Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
