420 ftw
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize