so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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