apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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