So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
