i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize