This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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