How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
did i just pee glitter
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
