no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
