After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
