im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize