u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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