If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
