Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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